What No One Told Us about Marriage

So I thought I would take this little opportunity to use this lovely blogging platform to talk about the first 2 months of marriage and what no one told us…

Vincent and I got married on August 5th, 2019 and to our surprise… It was the best day ever.

 

Story time.

Pre-wedding when people would say the sentence above I would roll my eyes and be like of course it was. But honestly-it was so much fun.

I just remember so vividly how loved we felt. It’s like the one day in your life where all of your worlds collide-literally. People from so many different aspects of your life surround you and it’s so emotional to think about all those incredible people who love you and have made such an impact on your life thus far. We were and continue to be so grateful for all the people who came to support us. Anyways it was the best day but honestly I’m finding that with Vincent each day gets better and better!

Here’s 5 things no one told us about marriage…

 

1). No one told us how annoying all the name change documents would be.

I swear we had to go to multiple places for one document. It’s 2019 people… Marriage has been an institution for over 6,000 years like can we please streamline one building for all the name change things… I’m talking social security card, license, passport, bank accounts, and all my ridiculous subscriptions that I don’t need.

 

2). Communication is so vital and can be so hard.

Vincent and I have really tried tackling solid communication in our relationship from the start. Being long distance for a solid 2 years we knew the importance of communicating. Talk about your week, your struggles, dreams, goals, 5 year plans, and include them in every decision big or small. We have this amazing marriage journal that we invested in pre-marriage and we started it on our honeymoon and have done it weekly since to help us facilitate and streamline communication. We feel so energized and connected after taking the time to intentionally communicate! I’ll link it here.

 

3). Call each other out.

You are now the closest person to your spouse. You see things no one else sees. There is a quote who’s author I cannot recall but it is along these lines, “Marriage was never intended to make us happy, rather to make us holy.” I was shook to my core initially, when I read that quote.

What?

Not happiness – like I’m about to sign away my life to this human being and not be happy..? But hear me out. It’s not intended to make us happy but rather holy. Your spouse sees the raw the dirty and gross aspects of sin that are so intertwined into your being. They see a glimpse of you so vividly yet still choose to love you. *shudders* that my friend is grace. Now imagine God in his holiness and purity looking at you and choosing to love you, flawlessly.

Timothy Keller says it better than I ever will in this quote from “Meaning of Marriage”.

“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him-or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

Because marriage is such an intimate establishment it would be wrong to see the flaws in your spouse and not call them out. It would be withholding truth from them. Truth that they can take and then grow and change from it. I really don’t like the phrase, “don’t let him change you”-I understand the concept behind and why they would say that but honestly to marry someone and never change well, you’re missing out on that growth and positive change. So call your spouse out. Ahem, respectfully and with honor and NEVER in your anger.

 

4). Since 3 was long and winded number 4 is here to simply say.

No one ever told me how much amazing falling asleep next to him and waking up next to him would be

*mic drop*

 

5). How much your love grows daily. 

Vincent and I went from seeing each other several times a month, to twice a week, to every morning-ish, now everyday. The love grows daily. The desire to be together more grows everyday.

Y’all I almost cry every time he has to leave for work. I miss him. Also, I have this weird thing where I think worst case scenario ALL.THE.TIME. Anyone else? I think it’s an ennegram type that does that-idk I’ve taken several tests and every time it’s different. Honestly, though for WHATEVER reason on God’s great earth when ever we say goodbye I think irrationally that this could be the last time I see him on this earth and then I get a lil’ emotional for no reason. Maybe that’s what being a woman is and what hormones do to a person. Maybe it’s working in an emergency department. I don’t know.. but I’m not a fan of it.

There are hard moments but there are also these intense moments and sometimes they are few and far in-between where we will be snuggling, he’ll be asleep, or simply in the same room and I’ll look at him and I get so intensely filled with gratitude, love, and disbelief that he is my husband and this is our life. I remember those moments so vividly and I hope that never fades.

 

There you have it, five things no one told us about marriage.  Please leave a comment about something no one told you about marriage and that you wish you’d known good or bad so that someone reading this can be informed!

 

Have a great day my lovelies!